Flashback

Last week was full of flashbacks for me.  It brings back to many memories that have all been smashed into such a short amount of time.  4 years ago we were childless and hoping to be pregnant soon.  Then June started to carry new meaning....

3 years ago last week I was laying in the hospital pregnant with the boys.  I was having preterm labor.  I was taking medication in hopes of stopping labor and staying pregnant.  At that point it looked like I was either delivering very soon or if labor stopped I would be hanging out in the hospital for the next couple of months.  I was utterly depressed by that thought.  Every night when Nate left I cried.  I hated being left there.  I knew it was for the good of my babies, but it stunk.  Then miraculously labor was stopped and they decided I would be happier, sleep better, eat better and hang in longer at home.  Thank the Lord I went home.

2 years ago we were hoping to have just 1 more baby.  Our life was already crazy.  What was one more?

Then 1 very fast year ago a beautiful, feisty little girl made her way into our family.  Holding her and watching the way she sucked her thumb just minutes after being born are moments I will never forget.  Remembering the way she knew my voice brings tears to my eyes.  I held her and rocked her last week Thusrday night, the night before her birthday.  I just looked at her and wondered how that year went by so quickly.  I'm thankful we're past the long nights and figuring out what she needed to feel better.  Still, it was hard to realize my baby is 1.  She has made our family so complete.  She has wrapped her brothers around her finger.  She is a strong and noisy little girl.  (My mom claims she reminds her of me).  She has a toothless smile that will melt your heart and snuggles up to me to let me know that she is my baby. 

It's so strange to think that we're entering a new stage of life.  We're past the honeymoon/young couple stage.  We're past the deciding to have a baby stage.  We're past the expecting babies stage.  We'll never again hold our newborn child.  It's a strange feeling.  I'm sad and relieved all at the same time.  I think back to what it was like to dream about what they would look like, talk like, cry like.  Then I think about not sleeping and I don't ever want to do that again!  I suppose the end of every stage is a bit bittersweet.  So, now we welcome a new era of life. 

Happy Birthday to my sweet girl.