I've decided to answer some questions that we get asked all the time and give some suggestions of things that are probably better left unsaid when you meet parents of multiples. I've been thinking about writing this for quite a while, but haven't been able to quite put in to words in a way that is both honest and appropriate. If you have said or asked any of these things please don't feel bad. I have said/asked things before that I now realize would probably have been better to keep to myself. Hopefully this will give you some guidance next time you come across someone with multiples...
1. "I'm sorry". Yes. People really do say that. How do you expect me to respond? Should I break down weeping and tell you that I'm so dissapointed that I have 3 (now 4) healthy children? I'm never quite sure what to say other than, "It's a blessing". Even if you're joking it implies that there is something horrible about having more than one child at a time when in fact it is an incredible blessing. Don't be sorry! Be joyful that all went well.
2. "I hope you're done". Nothing irritates me more than when a perfect stranger assumes that if you have multiples you should just quit having children immediately. When you say that you assume that I can't handle the 3 boys and should do society a favor and not have more. I may not be mom of the year and I may have bad days as a mom, but I think that our boys are turning out just fine and having one more child was not going to throw things completely off kilter causing my children to go off the deep end.
3. "Are they natural?" It's hard not to respond sarcastically and say something to the effect of "No! Completely fake! We had them manufactured!". What people want to know is how they were conceived. We did not do IVF. We were on a very low dose of a medication given to "jump start" things when we were having a difficult time conceiving on our own. We had a less than 1% chance of conceiving higher order multiples. It was clearly God's plan for our life to have triplets.
4. "Did you know you were having triplets?" Again, hard not to be sarcastic. Yes, we knew. We found out when I was 6 weeks pregnant and were in complete shock. At 7 1/2 weeks we went for a follow-up ultrasound and saw 3 beautiful, strong heartbeats.
Some of the most frequent questions we get asked are:
1. Are they identical? The answer is that we don't think so. 2 of the boys have the same blood type so it is possible, but I really don't want to pay the money it would take to find out. It does not bother us at all when people stop us to ask if they are triplets, if they are identical or any other "general" questions that don't probe into our personal life too far.
2. Do they have the same personality? Well, they are still 3 different people. So, no. Instead you can ask us how fun it is to watch 3 boys born at the same time grow..as individuals. I love that they are triplets and want to show them how unique and special it is. At the same time I want them to feel like individuals who are not constantly "lumped" together because they were born together.
3. How do you do it? Honestly? I don't know. It's all I've ever known as a mom. It's not like I could pick 1 or 2 to take care of. You choose what's important and leave the rest to get done when there's time. I'm organized and my life is like an assembly line. I think that's the best way to describe it.
I'm sure there are more things that I am forgetting. If there is something that you're wondering, just ask. I will answer almost any question. If you are out and see someone with multiples don't just stare, say something kind. Compliment them if they are well behaved, tell them they are very blessed or give them a polite smile. When you stare we feel like a freak show. Nothing pleases us more than when someone stops us to say what an inredible blessing triplets are. Yes! I can still see the faces of some of the kindest people who stopped us and told us how blessed we are and how happy it makes them to see triplets. It makes us happy too. :) This is a time in my life when I feel like I am doing exactly what I was designed to do. It's not always easy, but it's what I was made for.
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